Thursday, 30 July 2015

Ninja Dragon (1986, Godfrey Ho)

 "Ninja Dragon" is the first of the many Richard Harrison / Godfrey Ho ninja atrocities that I have had the caprice of fortune to witness. I remembered thinking it was trippy and amazing, mainly because like most 'motion pictures' spawned from Mr Ho's AAV Creative Unit, it's a weird mash up of footage from totally different films, with the seams (barely) covered via wild edits and terribly dubbed newly scripted dialogue.

                 (This is how you train to be a ninja master: callisthenics in the woods)

This one sports a loosely-integrated plot line about Hong Kong (or is it Shanghai?) gangsters vying for supremacy, without reckoning upon the NINJA SUPREMACY of ninja master Gordon and his mate Dragon, guesting with Harrison's character via photographs and badly-matched footage, which must be seen to be disbelieved.

Gasp at the fact they thought it appropriate to name the sisters "Phoenix and Fanny".

Gawp at the genius of the funeral director (best supporting character in any film ever made, ever!): "REMOVE HATS!!!", "Kneel DOWN!!!!", "FIRST BOW!!!!". The man truly is an immense colossus of a character: a true titan of silver screen supremacy. I was in tears of laughter.

Gape at an aged Richard Harrison and 'Bruce Stallion' (really Paolo Tocha from 'Bloodsport') PLAYING THE GAME OF DEATH!!

They just don't make 'em like this anymore. Unhinged. I just don't know what to think. My mind just still isn't ready to receive what Ho and Harrison are trying to transmit. Alien superbity.


  1. It's like a Youtube mash-up decades before Youtube existed!

  2. This is as apt a summary of this kind of cut 'n' paste and 'just add ninjas' cinematic craft as i could ever have come up with. Well done. You earn +2 points of Ninja Supremacy. You need five points or more to gain entry to the secretive and elusive Ninja Empire.

  3. If that's all it takes to be a director, I could film a movie in my back garden on my smartphone. And it'd probably get better reviews than Fant4stic.

    Glen, Kyoko, you two can star as ninjas. I'll get DalekJim to wear a long blonde wig and be the damsel in distress.

  4. I think this could well be a going concern, and would be the greatest depiction of the martial arts ever committed to celluloid.

    Oh, and is 'Fant4stic' what it's going as? That's almost as jarring and annoying as 'Se7en' used to be.