This iteration of the already twice-told tale (not including the 1988 sequel Nosferatu in Venice, once again starring Klaus Kinski reprising his role as the revenant [I really do need to rewatch that one, I haven't seen it in years], or 2000's Shadow of the Vampire with Willem Dafoe as Max Schreck/Orlok two and a half-ish decades before he would take on the role of Professor von Franz in the Eggers edition - making him a rarity as an actor to have essayed both the Dracula and Van Helsing roles) comes courtesy of director David Lee Fisher, who had already helmed a remake of the German Expressionist classic The Cabinet of Dr Caligari in 2005, and brought much the same approach here of hewing extremely closely to the monochrome silent source material to the point a recreating sets and shot compositions to the letter - even superimposing actual original shots into the background (these Fisher editions being all shot against a green screen) with the addition of dialogue, sound effects and an original soundtrack from composer Eban Schletter who in addition to working with Fisher on Caligari has a resume sporting credits for the music on the unasked-for 2003 prequel Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry met Lloyd and the long-awaited (be me, anyway) 2023 belated sequel History of the World Part II.
We begin proceedings, as per, in the Teutonic town of Wisborg with a very familiar shot of the conurbation from above with the church spire centred - though this time 'tis a 3-D CGI rendering of the steeple that we pan round and down to the people and the streets below and meet our new couple of Hutters, Thomas (Emrhys Cooper, perhaps best known the British audiences as Corrie's cult villain Rowan Cunliffe) and Ellen (Sarah Carter, super-powered bunny boiler Alicia Baker in interminable Superman prequel series Smallville as well as the second Cicada in the fifth season of its DC stablemate The Flash). The couple have apparently been married for almost a year, but their relationship shows few signs of intimacy - and now I've got the voice of Tommy Wiseau in my head saying "Hey, Hutter, how's your sex life?" - as Thomas seems more into his job of shifting property than showing much interest in his beautiful bride. If he isn't interested in taking her up the aisle then I'll happily volunteer. And yes, that is an euphemism. Neglecting his nuptials, he wanders off to work, encountering Dr Bulwer (George Maguire, no relation as far as I know to Spider-Man Tobey) along the way who gives him the same sage philosophical advice that Alan Ruck's Cameron Frye gives to the viewers of Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "Life moves pretty fast; if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you'll miss it". I'm paraphrasing slightly of course.
Arriving at the office of his eerie and eccentric employer Herr Knock (Eddie Allen, trading as 'Edgar Allen Poe'), Herr Hutter receives his instructions to traverse the highways and byways that lead to that strange land beyond the forest to arrange a property conveyance for one Graf Orlok and... look, I really don't need to go through the plot point by point at this... point, do I? Not after having done it twice already. But I'll make a note of any innovations or additions to the previous versions that stand out to me. Okay? Good, good.
He places Ellen in the charge of their friends, ship's captain Wolfram Harding (Jack Turner) and his spinsterish spiritualist sister Ruth (Joely Fisher, real life half-sister of Princess Leia herself) before leaving on an animated train to the land of phantoms; sort of Eugenio Martin's Panic on the Polar Express. As Hutter hurtles toward his hellish destination, Ruth reassures Ellen by not so subtly putting the moves on her and chatting her up about the different kinds of love including the kind that dare not speak its name. After the Sapphic overtones going on here I assumed that we were leaning right into the homoeroticism barely bubbling beneath the surface in the Murnau version, and so Hutter making eyes, and later making the sex, with the comely dirndl-dressed Transylvanian bar wench (Sara Montez) at the inn did take me somewhat by surprise. If he isn't closeted, why the emphasis on him and Ellen not consummating their year-old marriage? Well, aside from keeping her a pure unicorn for Orlok to feast on of course: I mean an in-universe reason. If randy Tom is willing to shag any sultry bit of skirt that smiles at him, what on Earth's going on at home? It's not like Ellen isn't gorgeous and wanting deflowering. She's gagging for a shagging, you buffoon! Sigh.
We have the addition of the character of the Blind Man, a harbinger like Friday the 13's Crazy Ralph, played by Thomas Ian Nicholas - Kevin from the American Pie films - who claims to have lost his eyes, perhaps voluntarily removed them, after seeing evil up in the mountains. No striped hyenas masquerading as werewolves this time, though, alas.
Doug Jones, purveyor of lanky gangling characters such as fishman Abe Sapien from Guillermo del Toro's Hellboy duology and Commander - later Captain - Saru in Star Trek: Discovery and who had essayed the Conrad Veidt role of Cesare the somnabulator in David Lee Fisher's Caligari plays the daemonic Count Orlok with make-up that takes the original Max Schreck look and adds something like a pinch of Mr Punch, or possibly Guy Henry's most memorable genre role. No, not his Tarknologically-assisted Grand Moff in Rogue One though his Peter Cushing impersonation is quite uncanny; I refer of course to his horror host persona Dr Terror from the sadly short-lived Dr Terror's Vault of Horror. Or perhaps his fellow early '90s horror protagonist Funny Man. Either way, any way I turned my early teens were haunted by a Man with a Long Chin. I chiefly blame Paul Rose's Teletext-based Digitiser for warping my fragile little mind.
Lengthy delays in this one getting crowdfunded and finished and timing - either bad or good, you be the judge - lends the feel of an Asylum mockbuster hastily-made to be rush-released at the same time as a bigger budget movie, despite the fact that this one was gestating for far longer than the Eggers take on the same material. I'm not too much of a cinema snob to say that on balance I might have actually found a bit more to enjoy in this version, whether that be down to lowered expectations (certainly lower than I had for the one from the director of The VVitch and The Northman) I just don't rightly know.
