Saturday, 27 June 2015

Strippers Vs Werewolves (2012, Jonathan Glendening)

 I truly can't believe some of the terrible reviews that this flick has garnered on certain review websites. I thought that horror fans had more of a sense of humour. Perhaps, like a rotten corpse to a ghoul, it simply isn't to everybody's taste.
I, however, found it absolutely hilarious, and great fun. Thrills, spills, gorgeous chicks in states of undress, cameos from horror and fantasy legends... i fail to see what's not to like. Seriously. Any film that manages to star Robert Englund (oh, come on, you know who he is!), Sarah Douglas (Superman II, Return of Swamp Thing, etc.), Barbara Nedeljakova (Hostel), and Lucy Pinder (Zoo and Nuts magazines. Regularly. Ask yer dad or uncle) cannot be A Bad Thing. Oh, and the lovely Ali Bastian off of the Hollyoaks, and Adele Silva from Emmerdale Farm. And they're both really good!
 From the opening scenes, with "Hungry Like the Wolf" ringing in my ears from the titles and a horny Martin Kemp turning into a lustful lycanthrope who is dispatched in a singularly original way (the scene caused me to wonder whether the penis or pen is mightier than the sword...), i knew i was on a ride that was going to enjoy, and happily wasn't disappointed. Hot strippers: check. Bloodthirsty werewolves: check. Needless but very hot cameo by British porn starlet Syren Sexton (trading here under her real name of Gloria Savage - which somehow seems more of a made up name) wearing little apart from a crucifix and lace gloves: check.
Absolute z-grade heaven. Add to this cameos by the likes of Steven Berkoff and Lysette Anthony, and the promise of a sequel featuring werewolf strippers vs. vampires... i fail to understand why i can be the only one who's excited? Good unclean fun. More, please!


  1. Having zoomed in as much as possible, although I sadly lack CSI's zoom-and-enhance magic, I think that's a cross rather than a crucifix.

    Why do the strippers want to kill the werewolves? Did they square it with the RSPCA first? Like, those werewolves might be an endangered species. Pope Francis and George Monbiot will be frightfully cross if they find out.

  2. I think you're right - it is a cross. I couldn't be bothered editing the review when i cut 'n' pasted it, so the inaccuracy stands.

    It's a fight for survival, Lucy, there are no rules. But (SPOILERS FOR FILM YOU'LL PROBABLY NEVER WATCH)rest assured that the lycanthrope race is not extinct at the film's end. Canis Lupus Sapiens shall continue to thrive.